FINDING HEALING AFTER A HEARTBREAK?

One of the greatest enemies of a person’s glorious destiny is unforgiveness, it has the capacity to breakdown a man or woman, and hinder him or her from reaching his or her peak in life. Any human that finds it difficult to forgive will most likely live most of their lives in pain and hurt. The bitter truth is that it is almost impossible, in fact, it is very unlikely for a man or woman to live his or her life without being offended or offending another person. The fact that we are human beings means we are not perfect hence, we are bound to hurt another person’s feelings.

The relationship between opposite sex is not an exception. Heartbreak is not a new thing anymore, there are countless number of people whose hearts have been broken countless number of times. In fact, some hearts have been broken beyond repair.  Some people never recover from heartbreak, while some do recover; there are those who claim to recover but they really never do, rather, they come out worse, looking for who to “devour”.

Anything that does not kill you only gives you an opportunity to defeat it. It is an indication that you’ve got a victory to claim. Never let a man who does not know your worth make you settle for less. God has invested so much inside of you; you are the apple of God’s eyes. Who dares touch the eyes of God? Don’t settle for less!

My dear, if your heart has been broken by any guy, it simply means he’s not supposed to be a part of your (glorious) future. However, that does not mean you should not forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of champions, and any mature human should have some good measure of it. The truth is, people will often cross our paths, but we have to forgive and move on with life. Life is too short to be living in unforgiveness.

I won’t  give you steps or things to do so that you’d be able to recover from heartbreak… but one thing I know for sure is, “heartbreak is not life-break” it is not the end of the world. What you make out of it is a matter of choice. Life continues, instead of sitting and wallowing in self-pity, get involved in well-meaning activities (serve God and humanity), strive to become a better person. Also, get yourself involved in things that you are passionate about; things that you delight doing, and things that make you happy. For me, one of the best write-ups I have ever done was when I was in tears, I look back today, and thank God ‘cos that time made me stronger and more mature emotionally. When you let go, you free your life from another person’s control. My dear friend, Jesus was betrayed by one of His disciples yet He forgave, He was crucified yet, He forgave…forgive, and move on with your life. God bless you. 

Adeniran Bamisaye

+2348024552797

Twitter:@Dkingzpen

Friends of Benefit II

Click on this link is to read part one  http://dkingzpen.blogspot.com/2013/07/friends-of-benefit-part-1.html
Welcome to the Part 2 :

A friend loves at all time…

As I string these words together, I recall a recent experience with a close “friend”. One of those things… like we say back then, “you aren’t yet friends if you’ve never disagreed/quarreled”. If you’ve never been offended by a friend then watch out cos it could be closer than you think…laughs! In whatever relationship you’re, there is the need for you to come to terms with reality-offences will come!

It takes love and maturity to forgive/overlook offences and continue in any kind of relationship. Many people have been hurt and a lot will still be hurt­-not a curse but the reality of live. The earlier you accept the fact that, no one is perfect, the better for you and your relationship.

The reason hurt exists is to test the strength of that relationship- forgiveness comes first in the dictionary, so practice advance forgiveness. A mother won’t throw away her suckling child for biting her breast while breast feeding him/her, so never because of an offence put an end that relationship, except you are so convinced it CANNOT work again. Forgiveness is an attribute of champion.

Even the hand stringing these words together is not exempted, we need to make things right (never stop forgiving). As I ponder on the word in the above statement again, it suggests to me that-Love in friendship should be a continuous action just like the verb. Friendship is a commitment that demands the energy all the parties involved. Like the common saying, “it takes two to tango”. But you must realize that not all friendship last forever. Let me close with the words of a friend and colleague, Taiwo;

I use to be scared of loosing friends, now I concede, friends are for different seasons. You lose some, you gain some.

But remember, NEVER end any relationship with hurt, please FORGIVE. I care about your happiness.

thanks for your time. to read part three please click http://dkingzpen.blogspot.com/2013/08/friends-of-benefit-you-part-3.html

What is the Definition of Your Tears?

I know the title of this write up sounds strange and even extremely weird to some people, but don’t blame me. It is a thought that metamorphosis into a question which eventually gave birth to this strangely titled write up. I’ve had situations where shedding tears was the” only way out”, the only way I could express my feeling at such time. I believe that at one time or the other you have had one reason or the other to shed tears or weep as a result of one situation that you are faced with at that particular time. Whatever word you choose (shed tears, cry or weep), it all boils down to the fact that live is not all about laughing or smiling (having fun). You have times when you have shed tears probably because you were overwhelmed by emotion unknowingly or knowingly (which could be pleasant or unpleasant to you).
One of such occasions, where and when you see people shed tears is a burial ceremony or when someone dies. In such situation you often see people both old and young regardless of the gender (male or female) shedding tears uncontrollably. It is however important to state at this point that there are certain advantages associated with the shedding of tears. I would love to share a few of the ’advantages’ associated with the shedding of tears as I proceed.
Emotional Relief: Tears have a way of bringing emotional relieve to the person in question, it helps to express feelings you can’t explain in words hence, the best and suitable way of expressing ones emotion or feeling at such moment is by shedding tears. So when you see people shedding tears know that they haven’t been able to find the suitable grammatical construction (words) at such time to express their or feelings. And burial is just a good example to buttress this view.
However, it is not only at funeral or burial ceremony that you see people shed tears. Someone could also shed tears when he or she experiences disappointment, maybe the person just received a sack letter and he or she is shocked as a result of the sack. When what appears to be the source of livelihood suddenly disappears into the thin air. At the reading of such letter the person’s reaction could be tears rolling down the chicks. Then different thoughts and questions begin to travel through the person’s mind, questions like; “what have I done to deserve this, where do I start from, why me? “And so on.
Moreover, tears are not just meant for sad or unhappy and unpleasant moments. Someone could be shedding tears because he or she is overwhelmed with joy and this is what is often called “the tears of joy”. Take for example someone who was sacked for no just reason and for about 20 years was struggling to keep his family together then suddenly after about 20 years, on a Monday morning while thinking on how to go about the struggle for the week, while still sitting in his expired bed in a one room apartment suddenly, his half-dead phone rings and he reluctantly picked and answered the called and the following words came out of his helpless phone,”…you have been recalled and you are you are to resume immediately and will be receiving all your salaries for the past 20 years apart from your compensation , for been unduly sacked this runs to about 10million dollars…” then after that while still trying to accept it as the truth, a mail deliverer knocks and he opens the door for him, a mail was delivered to him and he opens in haste eager to know what was inside. He opens and inside the mail was; a Cheque, a letter of reappointment and a car key. He falls to his knees and all he could do was, cry like a baby. No word could find expression through his lips and all he could do was cry, hmm, what a tears of joy.
This man’s case is just to influence your thinking about what I am about to share with you as I continue with this article, “what is the definition of your tears”. I said earlier that, a burial is where you often see people cry and shed tears because of the demise of a loved one (as the case seem). However, let me shock you by saying this, “everyone shedding tears are not doing so because they are grieved” what I’m trying to draw your attention to is the fact that you see someone crying because someone dies does not equal mourning.
In a particular city on a Friday morning, the death of a very popular man was announced and everyone was caught unawares by this unfriendly news that has taken over the air. Later in the day, the compound of the deceased was filled with people who had come to pay condolence visits. With tears rolling down their chicks, they try to console one another but they couldn’t just have their way as nature refused to be cheated. The wife could not believe her beloved is no more and the children can’t believe they will remain fatherless for the rest of their lives, what a loss. In the midst of this emotionally overwhelming atmosphere appears a man from nowhere who wasted no time joining in contributing to the grief atmosphere. But something strange happened and that is where this article was birth.
Although, this latest mourner was grieved but it was a surprise and unbelievable to know the reason for his shedding of tears- what an irony of situation. He wept bitterly and to console him became another task(for those he met at the home of the deceased), when they all thought they had succeeded in calming him down suddenly he slammed himself on the ground and was beyond the power of those who tried consoling him. So after crying till his eyes could not supply him the needed water (tears) for the herculean task, he sat at a corner silent and all to himself. Suddenly he screamed at the top of his voice and the words that came from his “mourning mouth” were,”this man has killed me oh… MY MONEY IS GONE!”.Suddenly every tear disappeared (from people’s eyes) and lips were left widely apart. No one could believe what they’ve just heard. From that moment my thinking was redirected, that the reason people cry at a burial or because of another person’s death may not be because of the obvious reason but could be as a result of personal reason which at times is unbelievable.
It was latter that the witnesses got to realize that the deceased before his death had borrowed a sum of money close to 7million Naira from this man who just came into the deceased’s compound to execute a business which unfortunately for him (the deceased) failed and that contributed to his untimely debt because further investigation revealed that he had an accumulated debt close to about 50million. The irony of it is that most of those who came around came because they wanted to confirm the rumor of the deceased death because he (the deceased) owed them also. Sod at the end it became obvious that they were crying because of the money the deceased owed them before his death and even the wife was weeping because the man left nothing behind but debt. At the end of the day the definition of the mourners tears became obvious that they were mourning their uncertainty, the feasibility of recovering their money was very bleak and at that point, this question popped up; “what is the definition of your tears?

Forgiveness; What You Must Learn

Live is made up of different stages and phases where we meet people with different natures and characters. And as we move on meeting people there is one unavoidable truth, you will be offended but that is not the focus for now. The questions I want to ask you are; are you waiting to be offended or you waiting to forgive? These are vital questions we should ask ourselves as we wake from our bed each day and embark on our daily activities.
It is obvious that, we have our likes and dislikes as individual human beings. It is therefore almost impossibility for you not to be offended on a daily basis especially when you are the outgoing type or someone whose job description involves dealing with people. In as much as we are faced with different individual challenges and selfish intensions. Even while at home it happens when the husband wants to watch a football match and the wife wants to watch a movie or her favorite weekly program while at the same time the children want to watch their favorite, Tom and Jerry. In such cases we play our politics well and at the end of the day they are able to reach a compromise and no one is hurt. And that is the same attitude and mind set we ought to apply in dealing with people.
As a member of a team you have people with different ideology so the possibility of been offended is very high. But you won’t say because you were offended by a team member you’ll stop being a member of that team, you’ll be doing more harm than progress to your promising career.
So in as much as it impossible for you not to be offended then I suggest to you that the best thing for to do is, “always be ready to forgive” don’t wait for you to be offended instead be ready to forgive in other words, always be on the alert, waiting to forgive someone that will offend you.
Your ability to forgive your offenders has a lot of advantages and I will share a few of them with you briefly and I hope you’ll put them in mind. One of the benefits of forgiving others is that it is a sign of maturity; your ability to forgive your offender shows that you are a matured person and people will often respect you for that. Another benefit of being able to forgive is that gives you peace of mind, your mind is often at peace when you have no hurt against anyone in your heart and you are able to do whatever it is that you want to do with a free mind and at a better level of concentration. Your ability to forgive also helps your growth and your facial expression.
Another important benefit (which can be derived from forgiveness) I’ll like to share with you is FOCUS; forgiveness has a way of helping your ability to focus. For instance when you have hurt or unforgiveness in your heart, it makes it difficult for you to concentrate (Complete attention; intense mental effort) your mind on a task that is ahead of you. Anytime and every time you remember that someone has hurt you it tells on your concentration thereby affecting your pace on that particular task or assignment you have in hand. So it is my believe and advice that you let go of that hurt you are holding against your offender he’s just a brother or sister from another mother so let go so that you can focus better. It could even be the reason why you have not being productive enough in your place of work, everyone knows what you are capable of doing but all of a sudden your productivity level has nosedived. Friend, just give it a try and see how your productivity level reacts with the help of your focus on that job.
At this point let me share a personal experience with you. This happened to me to the end of my last year in university. It was a very crucial stage of my life, I was in my final year in the university and it was as if I was the target of people who needed someone to hurt or offend, first it was the issue of my final project, that was not moving at the pace I wanted it to due to my supervisor’s busy schedule and this really affected me to the extent that I fell ill at a particular time and as if that wasn’t enough there came the class project brouhaha.
I felt it was a good idea that we part with fun memories of one another in heart and look back with fun in five, ten and twenty years the good ending memory we had together would still be fresh in our memories then and would be pleasant to remember. We (committee) came up with the idea of having a final year package that will include; t-shirt, year book and CD then cap it up with a diner/award night. So people who we interested contributed and afterwards the committee in charge went ahead with the awarding of contracts to the various clients. Unfortunately along the line there was a bridge of contract by one of the parties we awarded the contract to. The production of the t-shirt was below standard and far from what we agreed and the consequence was insults that were inevitable because a lot were already waiting for us to make mistakes, this really hurt my feeling and I began to regret bringing up the idea and even being a front-runner. And for weeks this affected me and I was emotionally down and was unable to focus on the important and vital things, my academics and others. To study became a challenge and even to embark on important issue. This is what hurt can do to you, it will reduce your effectiveness.
Hurt not dealt with is capable of affecting your relationship with your loved ones. It is advisable that you should never allow any offence get at you or else it will cause you more harm than good. When I had that unfriendly experience with some of my course mates it affected my relationship with other people even those at home (my family members). It became very difficult to relate with people at home due to the insults that I’ve allowed to get at me as a result of the flop that came up in school as a result of the substandard T-shirt that was produced. During this period I was easily upset by little things and even a friend became a victim of my immaturity during this time but thank God, we settled our disagreement almost immediately and we shook hands thereafter.
Forgiving your offenders also contributes a great deal to your happiness. The more the hurt you carry in your heart the more unhappy you are and the more forgiving you are the more happy you are also. Most of those you see as happy people are not happy because they have not been offended but, because they have been able to forgive their offenders and move on with their lives. Unforgiveness will affect your happiness and always reduce your level of productivity so please deal with it before it deals with you.
Your ability to forgive your offenders shows beyond doubt that you are a matured person and people will get to respect you for having such an attribute. It must be learnt and consciously developed and worked upon, to grow and, just like we go to school to learn we also have to learn how to forgive as we grow. There is no school that teaches forgiveness but you have to learn it and the only way to show that you’ve learnt it is by living it. Forgiving those who offend you is an attribute of matured beings and will bring you respect and joy.